Pena Raputra

Reminis Kemanisan Iman di Bumi Amerika

2009-02-15T21:54:00.002+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Rafique Adi Putra

Pernah aku ikuti perjalanan jemaah yang usahanya sangat merendah diri tapi geraknya di seluruh dunia. Memang satu masa aku sangat "subscribe" kehidupan jemaah itu. Aku kagumi mereka ini kerana pengorbanan yang dilakukan oleh mereka dan kerana perubahan-perubahan positif yang dibawakan oleh usaha dakwah mereka ke dalam diriku dan juga limpahan rahmatnya kepada ahli keluargaku. Kekuatan dalaman yang aku dapati melalui usaha itu, memang tidak aku duga. Bila diri terasa lemah seperti sekarang, tidak terjangkau fikiranku bagaimana aku mendapat kekuatan sebegitu dahulu.

Kemanisan iman. Rasa itu yang kini hanya tinggal sisa-sisa bekas, tetap tidak dapat aku lupakan sehingga saat ini. Hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui jiwaku dan Dialah yang Maha Pemberi Hidayah.

Teringat suatu masa, aku sentiasa berkopiah dan berjubah di Amerika, ke kuliah dan ke tempat kerja part time di kampus aku tetap tenang berjalan di tengah lautan manusia di universiti. Pandangan-pandangan sinis dan pelik para pensyarah, teman-teman sekelas dan juga supervisor di tempat kerja tidak kuberi perhatian. Dalam hati hanya ada sakinah. Kerana aku tahu Allah memeliharaku. Di subuh-subuh hari, kesejukan winter Amerika Utara tidak menjadi alasan. Di kala ummat lena di buai mimpi, aku menerobos timbunan salju sekaki tebal, berjalan berseorangan menuju ke rumah Allah, sebuah rumah besar di pekan kampus yang tingkat bawahnya dijadikan tempat solat. Masjid yang hidup segan mati tak mahu, kulaungkan azan di dalamnya, seolah-olah memanggil seluruh warga alam untuk membesarkan Allah, Tuhan yg Esa, Tuhan Yang Maha Pencipta, yang tanpa-Nya, kau dan aku tiada. Kekadang, bernasib baik, datang seorang dua. Tetapi selalunya, aku bersolat sendirian. Tapi, aku tidak putus asa.

Segala puji bagi Allah, teman-teman baruku yang dari pelbagai bangsa mempunyai fikir yang sama. Kamipun memulakan gerak, bersyura, bertaalim, berziarah dan melakukan amal sunnah yang kami tidak faham caranya tapi tegar dengan niat meniru cara para anbiya dan para sahabat. Dari satu apartment ke apartment, dari satu bilik kampus ke bilik kampus yang lain, dari satu kafe ke kafe yang lain, kami ziarahi saudara seagama, meraju pujuk dan mengajak diri membesarkan Allah dan memakmurkan rumah Allah. Kadang-kadang diterima dengan senyuman, pelukan persaudaraan dan ucapan terima kasih yang tak terhingga, kadang-kadang dicemuh cerca. Melihat kelibat kami dari jauh, ada yang mula melarikan diri, menyorok di balik-balik pintu. Tapi, bagi kami itu adalah asam garam dalam perjuangan. Sangka kami tetap mereka lebih mulia, dari diri kami yang alpa.

Aku teringat tentang seorang saudara Islam yang berasal dari Palestin tapi telah lebih 20 tahun menjadi penduduk tetap di Amerika. Beliau mempunyai perniagaan yang baik dan cukup untuk menampung keluarganya di sana. Tetapi, mungkin kerana kejauhan dari orang-orang Islam yang lain, tampak jiwanya kosong. Minuman keras menjadi kebiasaan. Suatu masa kami menziarahinya di hadapan kedai beliau. Aku masih teringat bauan alkohol yang keluar dari nafas mulutnya. Aku tidak ingat apa yang aku katakan padanya, tetapi kata-kata itu menyebabkan beliau terus menangis dan memelukku seolah-olah berkata, "Kenapa baru sekarang kau datang wahai saudaraku?". Pengalaman sebegini menguatkan lagi azam untuk terus melakukan usaha itu.

Walaubagaimanapun, tujuan utama kami tidak lupa, iaitu untuk Tazkiyyatun Nafs dan mendirik diri, menjadikan diri kami ini hamba-hamba Allah yang merendah diri kepadaNya dan ummat junjungan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w yang cuba meniru sunnahNya, dengan harapan akan dibangkitkan bersama-sama mereka. Kalaupun tidak dapat duduk di kerusi koc VVIP bersama Rasulullah s.a.w dan para sahabat radiallahu anhum, cukuplah kami ini jadi debu-debu hitam kotor yang melekat di badan keretapi itu. Yang penting kami tiba di destinasi yang sama.

Bila tiba cuti semester, kami berpakat untuk pergi mengembara jauh. Selama 40 hari kami bergerak dan beriktikaf dari satu masjid ke masjid yang lain. Kembara membawa kami ke tempat-tempat yang jauh beribu batu. Dari megalopolis-megalopolis gah ciptaan Amerika seperti Chicago, Madison, Detroit, Cleveland, New York dan New Jersey hinggalah ke bandar-bandar yang lebih kecil seperti Ames Iowa dan Wichita di Kansas City. Berjumpa dengan pelbagai ragam manusia, merapatkan ukhuwah silaturrahim antara saudara-saudara Islam dan melihat sendiri betapa pentingnya usaha menghidupkan agama di kalangan ummat manusia yang semakin hari semakin jauh dari Si Pencipta, malah mengabdikan diri kepada material, manusia, pangkat dan harta.

Teringat pula semasa di Saint Louis, Missouri, kami telah menziarahi penempatan pendatang dari Bosnia Herzegovina, yang dibawa ke benua Amerika semasa berlaku kezaliman pembunuhan etnik beramai-rami oleh Serbia. Ibu-ibu dan balu-balu berbangsa Bosnia yang sudah tua-tua itu sangat-sangat mengalu-alukan kedatangan kami kerana kerisauan mereka terhadap generasi kedua dan ketiga mereka yang telah mula terasimilasi ke dalam kehidupan bebas tidak bertuhan gaya Amerika. Renungan mata mereka yang dalam masih aku ingati. Renungan itu penuh pengharapan agar mereka tidak dilupakan oleh saudara-saudara Islam mereka, agar mereka sering diziarahi, agar kami membantu membela generasi-generasi muda mereka yang semakin hanyut.

Tidak kurang hebatnya saudara seagama berbangsa Amerika, yang baru memeluk Islam beberapa tahun. Semangat juang mereka tidak pernah malap, malah membuatkan diriku terasa terlalu kerdil. Mantapnya iman mereka meninggalkan cara hidup jahiliyyah dan terus mempertahankan api keimanan mereka dalam suasana kufur dan penuh kegelapan memang mengingatkan aku kepada sahabah minal awwaliin. Iman mereka tetap bulat - tidak tergugat walaupun dijemur di tengah padang pasir yang panas menusuk.

Dan terkadang bila kulihat ummat yang tidak beriman, berderai air mata kerana syukurnya diri ini pada Ilahi, diberi hidayah dan rahmat tanpa dipinta, hadiah pemberian Robbal Aalamin, Al-Wadud, Al-Rahman buat faqir yang disisiNya tidak lebih pun dari sebutir zarah di alam yang maha luas.

Pengalaman-pengalaman bersolat jemaah di tempat-tempat umum seperti di tepi highway I-92 membuatkan kami dapat merasakan nikmatnya solat dengan beratapkan langit dan bersejadahkan rumput-rumput halus. Damainya berdiri solat menghadap Pencipta, berqiblatkan Kaabah, di tempat terbuka sambil dihembus bayu-bayu Midwest dan The Great Lakes yang dingin.

Terkenang pula satu peristiwa semasa kami berhenti bersolat Isya' di kawasan lapang berhampiran sebuah pub semasa dalam perjalanan untuk ke sebuah bandar kecil di utara Minnesota. Kami didatangi sekumpulan kaki-kaki mabuk berbangsa orang putih yang berjaket kulit hitam tidak berlengan. Tangan-tangan berotot lebar mereka penuh dengan tatoo-tatoo bermacam rupa dan warna. Di luar pub tersusun motor-motor Harley Davidson buatan tempatan. Hampir kesemua mereka berjanggut panjang, berseluar jeans dan memakai ikat rambut. Sekumpulan lima orang gangster berbadan sasa mendekati kami semasa kami sedang siap untuk bersolat dan menyergah kami pada awalnya. Aku agak gementar. Tetapi, hikmah Amir jemaah kami yang sangat lembut percakapannya dan bijak bicaranya telah menambat hati mereka. Setelah menunaikan solat dan sebelum kami beredar, ketua gangster biker tersebut telah berkata,"I love Islam. I like you guys Muslims."

Semasa kami beredar dengan van penuh muatan, kesemua gangster tadi mengangkat sebelah tangan kiri mereka sambil membuat tanda "peace" dua jari kepada jemaah kami. Kami hanya tersenyum dan mendoakan agar Allah membukakan hati-hati mereka untuk menerima kebenaran ad-Deen.

Pengalaman-pengalaman itu sangat manis sekali. Manisnya pengalaman-pengalaman dan saat-saat itu bagiku adalah jauh lebih manis dari madu dan pengalaman di malam pertama perkahwinan. Kini, pengalaman-pengalaman itu hanya tinggal pengalaman. Setelah pulang ke tanahair, diriku yang semakin disibukkan dengan urusan-urusan kerja, semakin hari semakin jauh dari usaha itu. Mungkinkah kerana dosa-dosa, aku kini semakin jauh? Atau mungkinkah kerana nafsu diriku sendiri yang tidak mahu membuka jendela hati untuk meneruskan usaha itu?

Perasaan bersalah terkadang menghantui diri apabila teringat semula wajah saudara Palestin yang memelukku, juga renungan mata ibu-ibu dan balu-balu Bosnia yang mengharapkan kedatanganku menziarahi mereka lagi dan tidak lupa juga pesanan saudara-saudara baru berbangsa Amerika yang berkata, "Do not forget us here brother!".

Hakikatnya, berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu ini memikul. Aku tahu ini masa ujian untuk aku... Ya Allah, kudambakan petunjuk dan kekuatan dariMu...

Kesepian di Hari Minggu

2006-12-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Raputra

"Sadaqallahul 'aziim".

Aku membenarkan kata-kata yang mulia dari kitab suci Al-Quran yang baru selesai kubaca beberapa lembaran ayat.

Kitab suci itu kututup rapi. Kukucup ia hormat. Kepeluk ia erat di dadaku. Bingkas aku bangun dan kuletakkan ia di atas rak bukuku di bahagian terpaling atas. Sesungguhnya, tidak layak ada buku-buku lain diletakkan setaraf dan setinggi dengan kitab itu.

Kemudian, kulayangkan semula badanku ke atas katil bersaiz 'queen' yang berlapikkan cadar berwarna biru dan kuning bercorak abstrak. Di luar sana hari masih gelap. Matahari masih menyorok di ufuk timur.

Kulihat jejarum pada jam tangan Bonia yang terletak di atas meja komputerku yang bersebelahan dengan katil. Pukul 6.15 pagi. Ada lagi sejam sebelum shuruk.

Bagus juga kalau tidur semula, fikirku. Hujan renyai-renyai malam semalam sudah berhenti tapi dinginnya masih dapat kurasakan. Cengkerik pun masih bernyanyi walaupun nadanya semakin ditenggelamkan oleh kokokan ayam yang bersahut-sahutan. Dengan selimut kain kapas buatan india yang berkeromok di sisi, memang terasa 'mashuk' dapat tidur lagi beberapa jam. Lagipun, hari ini hari minggu. Bila lagi hendak dapat tidur lama di waktu yang nyaman sebegini.

Aku terus melentangkan jasadku tegak dan menghadapkan depanku ke siling putih pusam di atas. Aku menarik nafas panjang dan menghembuskannya perlahan, seolah-olah mengeluh.

Hari minggu.

Hari minggu adalah hari yang membosankan. Hari minggu aku jadi dungu. Mati kutu.

Aku teringatkan isteriku yang jauh dariku yang kini tinggal bersama-sama dengan ibu bapanya di kampung.

Aku terus mencapai telefon bimbitku yang terletak bersebelahan dengan jam tanganku. Telefon Nokia 1101 ini aku miliki sejak dua tahun yang lepas. Buruk sungguh rupa telefonku ini. Nombor-nombor di atas papan kekunci getahnya sudah tidak nampak lagi hilang dek geseran dengan ibu jariku yang kerap menghantar 'sms'. Badannya yang berwarna separa biru dan separa kelabu sudah bercalar-balar, entah berapa kali telah jatuh terhempas ke bumi. Skrin monochrome ini pula sudah ketinggalan zaman. Rakan-rakan sebayaku kini semuanya memakai telefon berskrin multi-warna dilengkapi kamera digital, 3G dan pemain MP3. Tapi, aku tetap setia dengan telefon buruk ini. Bukan tidak mampu memiliki telefon baru, tapi bagiku tiada keperluan.

Yang penting, sedaif mana sekalipun telefon ini, ia telah banyak berjasa padaku terutama bila ku berjauhan dari isteri dan keluarga tercinta seperti kini.

Lantas kudail nombor telefon bimbit isteriku. Kudekatkan telefon itu ke telinga kananku. Aku pun tunggu.

Truut truut! Truut Truut! Dering telefon kedengari melalui pembesar suara.

"Hello...", suara manja serak-serak pagi isteriku menjawab panggilan.

"Assalamualaikum sayang...", seruku.

"Waalaikumussalam abang...", jawabnya.

"Sayang dah sembahyang subuh?", Pertanyaan yang sentiasa menjadi perkara pertama aku tanya pada isteriku setiap kali aku menelefonnya di subuh hari.

"Belum bang.", jawabnya jujur.

"Sayang bangun solat eh? Dah subuh dah ni. Bangun eh?", pujukku.

"Ayang nak abang angkat.", rengek isteriku. Dia masih lagi pisat-pisat. Tapi, gelagatnya yang manja dan sedikit mengada-ngada itu buat aku tersenyum. Kalau aku ada di sisinya, pasti akan kukucup pipinya dan kucium matanya agar dia bangun.

"Yang, bangun subuh eh? Dah pukul berapa dah ni?", ujarku tegas. Bagiku, solat jangan diperlengah.

"Baik bang. Ayang bangun.", Jawab isteriku. Tidak susah untuk mengejutkannya. Kali kedua aku bertanya, aku yakin dia sudah bangun untuk pergi bersolat.

"Sayang sembahyang eh? Doakan abang. Assalamualaikum.", aku mengakhiri.

"Ya bang. Waalaikumussalam.", Jawabnya pendek.

Aku letakkan telefon bimbit itu perlahan di sudut tepi tilamku, bersebelahan satu lagi bantal yang tidak aku gunakan. Sayang sekali, katil, tilam dan bantal untuk berdua. Tapi, aku tidur berseorangan.

Kadang-kadang aku bertanya, sampai bila kami perlu berjauhan begini? Sudah lebih setahun kami berkahwin. Sejak itu kami telah berjauhan. Aku di sini, di negeri orang. Jauh di seberang laut, dipisahkan oleh Laut Cina Selatan.

Kami terpisah kerana masing-masing mempunyai tanggungjawab untuk berkhidmat pada syarikat yang telah membiayai pembelajaran kami di universiti dahulu. Kami diikat kaki dan tangan untuk berkhidmat selama sepuluh tahun. Pernah kami mencuba beberapa kali menagih ihsan majikan untuk membenarkan salah seorang dari kami berpindah, tapi nampaknya sehingga kini, masih belum dizinkan.

Terasa seolah-olah kami ini seperti hamba berhutang. Ke mana di suruh pergi, ke situlah kami pergi. Tidak mampu untuk menebus diri. Hendak lari, mati.

Walaupun aku masih beruntung untuk dapat pulang selang sebulan sekali untuk beberapa hari berjumpa bermesra dengan isteriku, kengkadang bernasib baik selang dua minggu walaupun jarang berlaku, aku masih sukar untuk menghadapi hari-hari di sini keseorangan kesepian. Aku tidak tahu sampai bila aku akan begini. Ini yang membingungkan aku.

Hari-hari yang kulalui di sini sungguh membosankan. Terutama bila hujung minggu. Di hari kerja, aku sibuk dengan tugasan. Fikiranku kurang terganggu. Bandar ini kecil. Jauh keadaannnya dari tempat aku membesar di metropolis. Walaupun ia tidaklah seteruk mana. Penduduknya baik-baik dan ramah-ramah. Ada pantai-pantai yang cantik untuk pergi bersantai. Ada tempat-tempat menarik untuk dilawati. Segala kemudahan serba cukup walaupun tidak mewah seperti di bandar besar.

Bila berjalan di bandar keseorangan, amat memilukan bila kulihat pasangan suami isteri berjalan berpegangan tangan. Ada yang mengendong anak kecil bersama mereka. Mereka beruntung untuk dapat tinggal bersama. Pagi, petang dan malam mereka bersama-sama. Bila pulang dari kerja ada isteri dan anak-anak, tempat bergurau senda. Bila hari minggu, mereka pergi ke Tamu atau ke kompleks membeli belah untuk berjalan-jalan atau ke pantai untuk berkelah dan bermandi-manda.

Sedangkan aku hanya dapat melihat dan bermimpi. Tidak, aku tidak dengki. Aku cuma menanti saat bila aku dapat merasakan kehidupan berumahtangga yang normal seperti mereka.

Aku pergi dan pulang dari kerja keseorangan. Pagi, siang dan malamku keseorangan. Hujung mingguku keseorangan. Sampai bilakah aku akan begini oh Tuhan?

Bila tiada insan tercinta di sisi, madu kurasa tawar, gula semasam cuka, keriuhan suatu kesepian, terang seperti kelam. Sangap, aku jadi bengap. Di tengah-tengah syurga sekalipun, dirasakan seperti dalam neraka.

Semakin penat fikiranku untuk meneruskan lamunan ini. Berat pula mataku untuk terus berjaga. Tidur bagiku suatu ubat. Ubat untuk aku melupakan kebencianku untuk menghadapi hari-hari kesepian. Lebih-lebih lagi, ia mempercepatkan waktuku ke depan, lebih dekat ke hari untuk aku pulang ke dakapan orang tersayang.

Hari menjelang siang. Tapi, malam bagiku seolah-olah baru bermula. Kutarik selimut perang lantas membaluti seluruh badanku. Kupejamkan mata. Aku pun lena membiarkan hari mingguku berlalu begitu sahaja.

APA KOMEN ANDA?

"It"

2006-07-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

By : Raputra
(This was written sometimes in 2004 especially for someone very special to me :) )

when everything you see is pretty
when everything you hear is soothing
when everything you taste is sweet
that is when you know it is there
what it is, is unknown to you
it enshrouds your soul in warmness
it lightens your darkness
it penetrtates through your whole existence
filling the emptiness and holes inside you
sometimes you wonder what it is
but many times you just care less
because it is the most beautiful thing
it cannot be seen, touched, smell nor tasted
it can only be felt in the heart.... :)

Lamunan di Awan

2006-07-16T01:43:00.000+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Raputra

(Penulisan asal diterbitkan pertama kali di www.rafiqueadiputra.blogspot.com)

Perjalanan dengan kapal terbang amat meletihkan dan memualkanku. Bunyi enjin jet yang berderau, tempat duduk yang sempit, tekanan kabin yang turun naik - walaupun sudah berpuluh kali turun naik kapal terbang, aku masih mabuk udara. Selalunya, aku luangkan sebahagian besar masa dalam perjalananku untuk tidur; ubat mudah untuk hilangkan pening lalatku bila tinggi di awan sana.

Doktor neurologi yang memeriksa aku dulu pun pernah menasihatkan aku agar tidur bila di dalam kenderaan. Menurutnya, ada kekeliruan dan "lagging" dalam arus saraf mata dan arus tafsiran otak aku yang sering membuatkan aku pening bila berada di dalam kenderaan. Baik dalam kapal terbang, bas atau pun kereta, kalau bukan aku yang memandu, aku akan mabuk justeru aku akan tidur atau paling kurang pun pejamkan mata untuk elakkan migrain.

Seketika, kulihat jam yang membaluti pergelangan tanganku. Jam Bonia berbentuk empat segi panjang yang latar belakangnya berwarna putih, senggat-senggat dan jarum-jarumnya berwarna biru dan diikat oleh tali "stainless steel" ini sangat kusayangi kerana ia pemberian isteriku, hadiah perkahwinan darinya untukku.

Kubelek dan kurenung ia lama.

Pukul 4.50 petang.

Tiba-tiba aku teringatkan sekeping potongan kertas kecil yang diberikan kepadaku oleh isteriku sebelum aku berlepas dari KLIA tiga jam sebelumnya. Sudah biasa kami bertukar-tukar "nota cinta" yang aku dan dia akan baca bila kami berjauhan semula. Dan tiada waktu yang lebih nostalgis untukku membacanya kalau bukan di kala aku tinggi di udara.

Perlahan-lahan kubuka lipatan kertas itu yang dilipat empat. Aku pun membacanya penuh perhatian.

Suamiku, 7/5/2006

Na sayang abg. Nanti abg balik lagi ye? Coz I will miss you a lot :( Semoga kita tabah menghadapi ujian ini. Hanya Allah yg tahu hikmahnya. Jaga diri abang. Doakan Na.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! :)

Your wife,

NINA

Aku tersenyum pendek. Bercampur antara gembira dan sedih. Kulipat semula nota itu dan memasukkan semula ia ke dalam poket dada di bajuku.

Aku menyandarkan kepalaku tegak ke kerusi, sambil mendongak rendah ke atas lalu memejamkan mata. Sudah lama kami berjauhan begini, fikirku. Sejak kami bertemu dua tahun lalu, kami sentiasa berjauhan. Hanya berjumpa selang sebulan dua. Sehinggakan setelah berkahwin lima bulan yang lepas pun, masih sering berjauhan.

Aku di Bintulu, dia di Kuala Lumpur. Empat ke lima minggu berjauhan, satu ke dua minggu bersama - telah menjadi rutin dan putaran masa kami berdua sejak bergelar suami isteri. Aku pernah memohon berpindah ke Kuala Lumpur. Empat bulan yang lalu, aku telah pun ditawarkan satu jawatan di salah sebuah anak syarikat yang menjalankan kerja mencari gali minyak dan gas yang beribu pejabat di Kuala Lumpur. Malang sekali, syarikat yang aku bekerja sekarang di Bintulu tidak mahu melepaskan aku.

Ini sukarnya bila "diikat" dengan perjanjian untuk berkhidmat selama 10 tahun yang telah aku tandatangani semasa aku masih mentah untuk memikirkan apa kesannya untuk masa depanku. Tidak, aku tidak menyesal. Aku masih bersyukur dan bertuah kerana telah mendapat peluang belajar ke luar negara dan bila pulang sahaja telah ditawarkan bekerja.

Cuma sekali sekala aku bertanya,"Sampai bila?! Sampai bila kami harus berjauhan begini?".

Agak berat pada mulanya apabila melihatkan air mata isteriku mengalir, memujuk agar aku tidak pergi. Pilu lagi hati ini untuk meninggalkannya sendiri dan berjauhan dariku, menghadapi liku-liku harian hidup tanpaku di sisinya.

Tapi, ini takdir yang telah Allah tentukan buat kami di waktu ini - mahu atau tidak, kami mesti redha. Kami kena yakin yang Insha Allah, ada hikmahnya di sebalik setiap ujian yang Allah beri. Pasti!

Apa yang kami perlu lakukan sekarang ialah terus bersabar, berusaha, berdoa dan bertawakkal. Insha Allah, satu masa kami akan dapat tinggal bersama. Aku tahu ramai lagi pasangan yang senasib dengan kami. Malah pasti ada yang lebih teruk lagi. Banyak nikmat sudah Allah beri pada kami. Inilah masanya untuk kami hitung semua nikmat-nikmatnya dan bukan menghisab kesusahan dan ujian yang menimpa.

Dalam masa yang sama, aku bersyukur Allah telah kurniakan aku seorang isteri yang penyabar. Aku gembira dan bersyukur, alhamdulillah. Walaupun sesekali aku risaukan keselamatannya, aku berdoa agar Allah memeliharanya dan aku yakin Dia pasti akan memeliharanya. Dia telah takdirkan kami berjauhan begini, Dia pasti tidak akan membiarkan kami susah hati. Allah yang Maha Memelihara.

Insha Allah, isteriku pandai menjaga diri, dgn sedikit bekalan dan amalan zikir yang diajar oleh bapanya insha Allah, dia akan dipeliharaNya. Aku di sini akan terus mendoakannya.

Tiba-tiba lamunanku terhenti.

"Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, kita telah pun mendarat di Lapangan Terbang Bintulu".

Bermula semula putaran masaku kesepian, kebosanan dan keseorangan buat beberapa minggu tanpa isteriku yang tercinta di sisi. Aku telah mula merindui tawa manja, sentuhan mesra dan senyuman manisnya yang baru sahaja aku tinggalkan beberapa jam yang lalu.

"Takpelah, insha Allah, nanti abg balik lagi. Bila abg balik nanti, mesti macam masa kita baru mula jatuh cinta dulu. I love you too Nina", jawabku di dalam hati. Aku tahu dia mendengarnya.

Aku pun tersenyum dan beredar perlahan meninggalkan pesawat.

Nina: Our Story

2006-07-16T01:05:00.000+08:00

By: Rafique Adi Putra bin Mohd Nasir
(originally posted at www.rafiqueadiputra.blogspot.com)

CHAPTER I: THE PRELUDE
CHAPTER II: THE ORIENTATION PROGRAM
CHAPTER III: THE FIRST FEW DAYS
CHAPTER IV: THE SMILE
CHAPTER V: INVESTIGATION
CHAPTER VI: CONTEMPLATION
CHAPTER VII: THE MOVE
CHAPTER VIII: FACE TO FACE
CHAPTER IX: THE SIGN
CHAPTER X: A YEAR AND TEN MONTHS LATER

CHAPTER I: THE PRELUDE

One cold evening, I contemplated upon my life. I reflected on what had I done in the past, good and bad, and pondered upon what I wished for my future - the direction where should I lead my precious life to. It was not too long after that when I picked up a pen and started to write down my thoughts in a diary. "The Qualities of My Ideal Soulmate", a topic suddenly emerged in my mind. Well, I was a 23-year-old bachelor, just graduated from university and would soon have a career, so I guessed there was no better time to think about it.

In the past, I had been somewhat conservative about my choice of ideal mate - good muslimah, shy, quite and sweet to look at. But, I felt like I was not honest enough with what I wanted. Therefore, without thinking too much, I wrote down whatever first flashed in my mind. I believed those flashes of thought were the most sincere. I wrote:

1. Iman & Islam
2. Has good heart
3. Physically attractive
4. Has good mind & independent
5. Family comes first
6. Can carry a long conversation with me

A vision crossed in my mind. My future ideal mate - religious, strong believer and has personal relationship with Allah. Yet she has good qualities of modern women. Smart and independent. She is easy to talk to and can sit with me for hours chatting. She may have her own career, yet her husband, kids and family are priority. She is family-oriented and loves children. She loves me for who I am and accepts my deficiencies. She is physically attractive although not necessarily miss universe standard. She is somewhat 'manja'. She corrects me if I am wrong and reminds me what I forget. She supported me in my endeavors, in jihad, in good and in adversity. But most importantly, she is half of me. She complements me as a person, filling all empty holes in me.

Who is she? When and where will I meet her? All these questions kept circulating in my mind.

"Akankah seseorang, yang kuimpikan kan hadir, raut halus menyelimuti jantungku.."

Never I thought at the time that I was going to meet my dream girl soon. Indeed, life is full of surprises!!

And here is my story...

CHAPTER II: THE ORIENTATION PROGRAM

April 1st 2004.

As a new executive of an oil and gas multinational company, I was required to attend an Orientation Program for two weeks at the company's training center called PERMATA. There was a mixed feeling and thoughts in me about the program as I did not know what to expect initially. All I knew, the program was to be attended by other new executives from the company subsidiaries all over the country. For the next two weeks, we were to listen to various talks and do different activities, from morning until early night. We would eat and sleep at its hostel, not too bad as it was rated three-star.

The first activity was as usual, the ice-breaking session. Every participant was asked to sketch his or her own face. The facilitator then collected all of the sketches and distributed them back to the participants. Each person received a sketch of other participant's face. We were required to find the owner of the sketch on our hand. After finding the person, we were to ask the person's name and some background information. Then, we were to introduced the person to the whole group. Among the participants, two third were men and the rest were women. There were about 30 people all together. I thought, there was my chance to make 29 new friends!

I was wondering who received my sketch. It was not too long after that that someone approached me. She looked like a typical Malays girl - covered, wearing baju kurung, quite tall and thin, fair skin, wearing glasses.

She asked me whether the sketch, which she was holding, was mine.

I smiled in affirmation, "Yes". I guessed I was not a bad artist!

She asked my name. I told her my name and asked the same question back to her.

She replied,"I'm Rahimah".

CHAPTER II: THE FIRST FEW DAYS

The program was a blend of interesting and boring talks and activities. Judging by the program title, it was supposed to "orientate" the new executives so that their vision and mission were inlined with the company's vision and mission. Not very interesting huh? Sometimes, we worked in groups on some activities and presented our work to the whole participants. The group work kind of compensated the other boring activities.

In one of the sessions during the program, Rahimah, the girl I met on the very first day, was giving a presentation on behalf of her group infront of all the participants. Somehow, her public speaking skills stood out from other people. I found this on the very first day of the course as she introduced me to the group during the ice-breaking session. She seemed to be very fluid and confident in her speech and very comfortable standing infront of people. I was more of amazed at her flow of ideas coming out of her mouth than the content itself.

"Huh! She seemed snobbish and 'action'! Her English 'berhabuk'! I'm sure she was kind of typical 'high maintenance' girl. No way will I be interested in her!". Somehow, there was an evil voice in my mind whispering.

Well, for many years I had never had a resonance frequency with women debaters or public speakers although I knew that I was always the worst public speaker. Maybe I just simply could not submit to the fact that they were better speakers than me. When I stood infront of people, my heart beat accelerated exponentially, all my limbs started to shake, my face turned red and my tounge would be stiff. To see a woman spoke confidently in public was just a humiliation to my manly ego! I have to say that I do not mean to look down on women. It was just my ego. Bad for health huh?!

Anyhow, the first few days, I was never interested and could care less about who was that girl named Rahimah, where she was from, was she still single etc. I just don't care. She was just like any other people that I had just met.

But, what would happen to me in the next few days, was not something I expected to experience, at all.

CHAPTER IV: THE SMILE

Her smile. Her smile was so memorable. My eyes could not stop from peeping at her face once in a while throughout the course of the program. Well, naughty me! It attracted and many times distracted me from concentrating at the instructor infront.

Sweet, I would say, the best words to describe Nina's smile. No matter how negative my perception was towards her at that time, I still somehow liked that smile. After all, I did not know anything about her to perceived such negativity. It was all based on my first impression. My mind rationalized.

'Nina' was Rahimah's nickname, which I had just heard about. No other girls in the room had such a unique and beautiful smile, a nice gift from God.

I guessed, the old saying was right,"Dari mata turun ke hati".

There and then, my perception and feeling towards her gradually evolved. It was as if my heart, which was as cold and hard as ice before, was melted to water by ambient heat. I did not know how it managed to slip into my heart. The feeling was so intense, I just couldn't explain it.

And suddenly, "I like this girl..", my heart whispered.

CHAPTER V: INVESTIGATION

Somehow, it is not very easy for me to feel "attached" to someone. "Like someone" and "attach to someone" can be two different things.

I had a long "curing time" after my previous "relationship" failed. So, I did not want to simply accept someone new, whom I did not know much about.

But, this new "attachment" I felt within me was so magnetic, it was tough for me to repel it. I would like to know more about this girl named Rahimah. But, I did not want it to look so obvious that I was interested in her.

So, I cunningly and subtlely searched for ways to approach her and get to know about her personality, her background and most importantly if there was that 'spark' somewhere. Indeed, I sensed it.

Every opportunity I had for casual chat with her was grabbed and used to the maximum to dig out as much information as I could about her. Always! My motto was again "cunningly and subtlely".

I also utilised help to seek extra information about her status from a few unpaid secret agents cum my orientation friends, whom without, my path towards knowing her could not be as smooth.

My initial perception about her proved to be wrong! Rahimah was not snobbish, 'action' or 'high maintenance' kind of girl! Infact, she was a sweet, sometimes shy and polite 'modern kampung' girl from Jiboi, Negeri Sembilan. Even to mention the name of her kampung can make a person very humble! No offense, hehehe.

Studying Petroleum Engineering in one of the top universities in Australia, she could not help but to carry herself as a confident and talented young woman. I really liked that. She proved to the world, I guessed, that Muslim women were not oppressed and deprived of opportunity. She received a first class honors in her study, the best student in the course with the highest achievement in many years and even received a full scholarship from her university to pursue a post-graduate study. Her parents must be very proud. I am.

Every new information leads to new discoveries...

CHAPTER VI: COMTEMPLATION

The thing about this new development of my inner feeling, it did not take me a long time to make a decision to pursue it further. I did make istikharah and asked Allah for guidance whether i should pursue it.

My experience on the final year in USA reminisced. There was an American girl that I had known and befriend with closely for about a year and half. I liked her but I had never told her until a few days before I was about to leave USA for good. It was too late. I kind of regreted it a bit. But i accepted it as a good experience in life. And maybe we were just too different in many ways - faith especially. I knew back then, the feeling was not really as pure. I myself could not believe that out of many good muslim women out there, she was the one I chose. The inner voice rejected, but there is that "other voice" which said yes.

Nevertheless, that experience had taught me a very invaluable lesson. "Never wait until the last minute to tell someone that you love her".

So this time, I did not think twice and I did not hesitate. Although I could not call it a 'love' yet. But, I thought I better tell her what I had been feeling in the past two weeks. Even if I were to be rejected, I would not regret to the same degree as if I did not tell her at all. Thus, I made a firm decision.

"This is the day. Today I will tell Rahimah that I like to know her more", I wrote in my diary in the early morning of April 14th, 2004 - the last day of our orientation program.

CHAPTER VII: THE FIRST MOVE

On a small piece of paper, I wrote:

Dear Rahimah,
You have a really sweet smile,
You've made my stay in PERMATA worthwhile,

I wish I could buy more time to talk to you and know about you more.
Sincerely,
Rafique Adi Putra bin Mohd Nasir
012-3010848

The paper was folded nicely and I slipped it into her file before she and everyone else came into the room. The first session of the morning started. There she sat on a chair at not-too-far distance infront of me. I patiently watched her as she opened her file. She saw the paper. She seemed slightly intrigued at the unknown piece of paper she found laying in her file. She carefully unfolded it and read the content.

Tick! Tick! Tick! I felt like everything was just frozen and quiet as I waited to see her reaction. I could hear my heart beating in nervousness.

Surprisingly, not too much emotion was shown on her face! I saw her slowly folded the paper back, put it nicely in her file.

And since then, for the entire morning she did not turn her face to the back! Maybe because she knew that I was sitting behind her somewhere. Maybe she was shocked. Maybe she was just too shy. Maybe.

CHAPTER VIII: FACE-TO-FACE

Would she say 'yes' or would she say 'no'? The whole morning until afternoon, I could not concentrate on what the program facilitator was delivering. It was the last day of the program anyway.

I kept on guessing what would be her reaction and what would be her thought about it. At lunchtime, I braved myself to face her.

I asked, "Rahimah, do you have some time? I would like to talk to you maybe for about 20 minutes?".

That was my first communication with her after she read my "proposal" note.

She said,"OK". intrigued, her face, but calm.

We went to an open space lounge area and sat perpendicular to each other on a different single sofas.

"So..?", I asked her.

She replied,"So..?".

Then, we both laughed a bit. Well, both of us were not sure where to start. But as I was the one who invited her to meet, I guessed I was the one who should start first. I calmed myself down and started by asking about her reaction to the note that I gave her that morning.

That note had sparked so many other questions in her mind. In return to my first questions, she asked me several other questions like when did I start liking her, why her, what was in her that attracted me and others. I tried to answer each question as honest as possible and I liked to be frank.

I told her about the Qualities of My Ideal Soulmate and how I saw her fitting most of the criteria. That kind of surprised her a bit at how I came to that conclusion as we had just met about two weeks before. I told her I could not explain it but I could feel it.

But, I think the thing that surprised her the most was when I told her, "For me, when I befriend with someone, I am not looking to have a short-term relationship like a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of thing, but more of a long-term partner, you know, getting married!".

I could see as if her eyes were popping out slightly, in surprise. "Was this guy serious?" She might thought this in her mind.

That was our first meet, we did not know much about each other and I had mentioned that word "getting married"? I must be insane!

Well, maybe I was a little bit too honest. But, i guessed that showed to her how serious I was about this and I was not just joking. And I think she really liked it.

"I would like to know more about you - your background, family, personality, etc.. God knows if we have 'jodoh' then... :) ", I told her.

By this time, she had got used to my straighforwardness. She accepted my "proposal" for us to get to know each other and "let fate decides for both of us".

I was very happy! Happy! Happy!

Our 'meeting' lasted for nearly an hour. Not bad for a start - fitting my sixth criteria, "Can carry a long conversation with me"? Indeed!

I smiled. She smiled.

We departed,

"Assalamualaikum".

"Waalaikumussalam".

CHAPTER IX: THE SIGN

The course ended.

Participants were busy packing their stuff to return to their hometown. Not forgeting, they greeted each other 'good luck' with the new workplace and to keep in touch. We could feel that the sense of friendship building up during the entire two weeks duration of the program.

My parents picked me up later the day (well, i was a broke 'new executive' then). It was so happened that my father parked his car next to Rahimah's brother's car. Her brother came to pick her up as well. Both the parents and brother were waiting at the car. When thinking about it, was it a coindence? Or was it predestined?

Again, it was so happened that I was walking towards my parents, when Rahimah was also walking towards her brother. We were walking towards the same direction! There my parents were, waiting for me with smile.

I 'salam' them and kiss their hands and introduced to them, Rahimah, a "friend" that I had just known during the orientation. Rahimah 'salam' my parents and kissed their hands. We then departed.

I did not realize her 'salam' and kissing my parents hands had a huge impact until my mother asked me about her in the car.

"Who was that girl's?", she asked.

"It was a friend that I had just known during the orientation program." I replied.

"What is her name again?", another question asked.

"Rahimah...", I replied slowly.

"What did she study? Where did she study? Where will she be posting at?".

I started to feel odd about the bombardment of questions from my mother about Rahimah. My father was quiet but listening attentively, while driving the car off.

"Petroleum Engineering at University of New South Wales, Sydney, Australia, Why?". I asked her back.

"She seemed like a very nice girl. She kissed my hands.", my mom remarked.

She then said something to my surprise,"What else are you waiting for, go and 'tackle' her 'lah'!"

I was not sure how should I react to her question. I was surprised with her recommendation as I had never heard her saying such thing to me before. At the same time, I was very happy as it was sort of a 'sign' of her approval to the new girl that I had just started to accept into my life.

I replied blushingly, "Err.. actually, I have 'tackled' her already!", and smiled.

My mother was not very surprised with my answer but she was happy to hear it and laughed.

She commented, "Huh! Advance!!".

My father was giggling slightly as he knew "Ke mana tumpahnya kuah kalau tak ke nasi?". He smiled in pride.

This "approval" was another strong sign for me to believe that "She is the one. She is what I have been looking for. She is my other half".

CHAPTER X: A YEAR AND TEN MONTHS LATER

That day in PERMATA marked a very historic moment of 'our' life. Now, a year and ten months later, Rahimah and I are no longer strangers nor we are just friends.

We are now husband and wife!

That event a year and ten months ago marked the starting point of our love curve, where x equals to Time and y equals to Love. The curve is exponential and its convergence is to infinity.

I hope the curve will stay that way eternally. Amin.

To my other half, this is a tribute to you.

"I love you" :)

Cinta Satu Dua Tiga

2006-07-15T15:15:00.000+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Raputra

cinta nombor satu,
aku memang suka kat minah tu,
dia pun suka kat aku,
tapi masa tu aku baru darjah satu,
cinta tu hape aku pun tak tau.

cinta nombor dua,
lawa orang nya,
manis senyum tawa,
ayu renungan mata,
tapi nak buat camna,
dia darjah enam aku darjah tiga.

cinta nombor tiga,
masa tu dah darjah lima,
yeah yeah aku jumpa orang sebaya!
aku suka dia pun suka,
dua tahun lebih aku bahagia,
"the most celebrated couple" gelaran kita,
tapi sungguh la malangnya,
aku masuk asrama tinggalkan dia,
kasih terputus begitu saja.

cinta nombor empat,
aku seronok sampai melompat-lompat,
masa tu dah tingkatan dua,
si buah hati baik orangnya,
orang kampung lembut mesra,
pemalu tapi manja,
senyuman lebar bulat bola mata,
setia lagi bagus agama,
tujuh tahun kami bercinta,
"bagai nak rak" kata orang tua,
aku hepi,keluarga pun restui,
sebelum pergi, aku berjanji,
dialah bakal suri,
tapi, malaysia-amerika alahai jauhnya,
jarak memudarkan cinta,
ingatan semakin lupus,
kasih pun akhirnya pupus,
bukan kerana aku pasang dua,
tapi, sebab dia tiada di depan mata,
cinta dibina sekian lama roboh,
inilah dia yang dikatakan jodoh.

cinta nombor lima,
sampai kini belum kujumpa,
dah setahun setengah aku pegang title,
"single and available",
ada cuba orang lain bangsa,
sorang turki sorang amerika,
aku memang baik dengan dua-dua,
cuma sampai sekarang belum terasa,
yang aku benar-benar dah jatuh cinta,
"suka" tak sama dengan "cinta",
walaupun kawan buleh jadi teman,
dari berkawan kepada berkasih-kasihan,

tapi, biarlah tuhan yang menentukan,
sapakah dia gerangan,
orang yg bakal kusarungkan,
di jari nya cincin perkahwinan.

(Karya ini pertama kali diterbitkan pada November 2003 di www.geocities.com/rafiqueadiputra/karyacorner)

Pendakian

2006-07-15T15:08:00.000+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Raputra

pendakianku bertujuan,
ku mencari suatu jawapan,
kepada setiap persoalan,
kejayaan dalam kehidupan.

di kakinya, ku mendongak,
ke langit ku merenung,
akan ku tawani puncak,
ke puncaknya si gunung,

batuan nan keras,
duri-durian nan tajam,
binatang nan buas,
sinaran nan merejam.

semangatku tak patah,
kekuatanku tak lemah,
sakit penat kugagah,
aku terus melangkah.

naik turun, jatuh bangun,
berjaya gagal, gembira kesal.
segalanya suatu dugaan,
putaran hidup setiap insan.

pendakian mengajarkan,
makna kejayaan, erti kehidupan,
kejayaan perlu keazaman dan ketabahan,
dan "...sesungguhnya bersama setiap kesukaran ada kesenangan..."

(Karya ini pertama kali diterbitkan pada November 2003 di www.geocities.com/rafiqueadiputra/karyacorner)

Si Musafir Jalanan

2006-07-15T15:01:00.000+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Raputra

Si Musafir Jalanan,
Langkah kakimu perlahan.
Arah tujumu tak ketentuan,

Kau maju, Kau undur,
Di tepi jalan kau tidur,
Kereta siapa kau tumpang,
Tak kisah asal sampai ke hujung simpang.

Kau makan apa yang ada,
Bekalan habis berlapar saja,
Menagih duit bila terdesak,
Seposen dua asal tak kering tekak.

Kau tidur di tepi belukar,
Bertemankan serangga dan ular,
Dingin malam, kau dah biasa,
Gigitan nyamuk, kulit kau dah sasa.

Kau merewang, mencari arah,
Kau berhenti, bila lelah,
Bertafakkur dan bermuhasabah,
Solat zikir kau tinggal tak pernah.

Tawakalmu pada tuhan bulat,
Makan minum bila sempat,
Rumah harta disusun mampat,
Diusung sentiasa ke merata tempat.

Si musafir jalanan kaya hati,
Hatinya senang dengan kecukupan,
Wajahnya murah dengan senyuman,
Tua muda miskin kaya semuanya dilayan.

Si musafir jalanan kaya harta,
Rumahnya merata di seluruh dunia,
Bumbungnya, langit terbuka,
Dindingnya, dedahan rimba,
Lantainya, tanah pelbagai warna,
Karpetnya, dedaun dan bebunga.

Si musafir jalanan...

(Karya ini pertama kali diterbitkan pada 30 November 2003 di www.geocities.com/rafiqueadiputra/karyacorner)

Aku Solo

2006-07-15T14:52:00.000+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Raputra

aku solo...
hari-hari makan meggie,
telur goreng kicap bistari,
nasi putih lauk semalam,
itu pun beli kat pasar malam.

aku solo...
kain baju berselerak,
bersidai tak berlipat pun tidak,
aish bau pun dah macam haprak,
kalah minyak cap kapak.

aku solo...
pergi kerja kapcai juga naik,
singgah kejap mamak punya warong,
roti canai dengan teh tarik,
"mamak! masuk buku, poket gua sudah kosong".

aku solo...
bukan senang hidup bujang,
kena pulak mata jenis melilau lilang,
hati memang tak pernah tenang,
hai ini lah nasibku si bujang trang tang tang.

aku solo...
disisiku bidadari,
di rumah besar atas bukit melawati,
aku bawak kereta ferrari,
Oi mat, kau boleh berangan mimpi?!(aku lepuk kang!)

aku solo...
makan minumku sendiri,
tidur baring pun sendiri,
hidupku dah lama begini,
hai bila la aku nak berbini..

(Puisi ini pertama kali diterbitkan pada 29 November 2003 di www.geocities.com/rafiqueadiputra/karyacorner)

Oi Oi Oi Romajo Kito

2006-07-15T14:43:00.000+08:00

Ditulis oleh: Raputra

Oi Oi Oi
!apo kono romajo kito?
melepak sini melepak sano,
dahla tak buek apo,
jang, ekau takdo kojo ko?

Oi Oi Oi!
omak kato poie sekolah,
tapi ekau isap dadah,
kawan dongan org salah,
rumah org ko pocah.

Oi Oi Oi,
kono tangkap masuk lokap,
ekau pun monangis moghatap,
konon eh menyosa sikap,
bilo keluar kombali ekau isap.

Oi Oi Oi,
malas boto ekau mongaji,
sekolah pun ekau boghonti,
duduk ghumah ngadap tv,
yang ekau tau cumo lah ABC.

Oi Oi Oi,
ekau jang macam kelawar,
tidur siang malam keluar,
kek pokan ekau bersiar,
solat zikir dilupo biar,

Oi Oi Oi,
jang, bangun la jang,
ekau tu dah bosar panjang,
kek luar tu dah siang,
buek la kojo caghik wang,

Oi Oi Oi,
molampau bona si budak,
nak duit mintak omak,
bilo la dikato tidak,
kosian omak eh disepak.

Oi Oi Oi,
apo la nak jadik kek ekau?
baik lai lombu korbau,
siang malam main pakau,
anak2 dagho ekau kacau.

Oi Oi Oi,
ekau lepak topi jalan,
main gitar dongan toman-toman,
kato eh nak buek kugiran,
sampai ko tuo la ekau boghangan.

Oi Oi Oi,
black metal jadik ikutan,
kambing hitam jadik sombolihan,
astaghfirullah, iblis ko tuhankan,
pengangai sumo mcm setan.

Oi Oi Oi,
Budayo baghat ekau ikut,
Namo "Karim" jadik "Kurt",
Cakap omputih torkalut2,
Ghambut panjang borsoghabut!

Oi Oi Oi,
apo la nak jadi romajo kito?
pemudo pemudi harapan bangso,
dah hilang adat budayo,
punah ghanap la maso dopan nogagho..

(Pantun ini pertama kali diterbitkan pada November 2003 di www.geocities.com/rafiqueadiputra/karyacorner)